Real Men vs. Wimps & Wannabes

Women will tell you there are men, and there are REAL MEN. If you ask them to give a simple description of what they mean by real men, they will usually sum it up in one word, “confident.” In survey after survey, the overwhelming majority of women say confidence is top of the list of characteristics in men they desire to date, or begin a relationship with.

This true confidence, found in real men, is usually accompanied by other qualities women desire. As you go down the list of key ingredients you find women are attracted to men who are powerful and determined. They favor the dude who has stability and control over his life. They prefer the courageous man who conquers his fears. Women want a man who refuses to back down from the challenges of life. They fancy the one who has goals and ambitions…one willing to scale rugged mountains, and perseveringly navigate through stormy seas if that’s what it takes to succeed. In addition to these companion traits, a confident man is genuine. He is the real deal, and has no need to play games or act phony. He is a leader, not a follower. According to the female sex, this is what they really want!

This real man, (female term) or alpha man (psychology term) is becoming an increasingly rare commodity. Before long it may prove easier finding a righteous politician, or an honest used car salesman…than a real man. This Alpha Man sits balanced between two extremes: Mr. Wimpy and Mr. Macho.

I’ll Gladly Pay You Tuesday for a Hamburger Today!

John Cripps on Real MenOK, wrong Wimpy. That one was from Popeye. Our Mr. Wimpy is on the limp side of maleness. He is known as the “nice guy.” He is the “needy” boy who constantly worries whether or not people like him. He lacks confidence, and constantly seeks approval. He is weak and irresolute, fearful and yielding. He lacks self-esteem, and is clingy. He is the girlfriend with a penis, not the manly man a woman dreams will swoop down like Tarzan and snatch her up. The modern world is producing lots of these faux men.

Clingliness is not next to godliness! There is a difference between intimacy, which women crave, and clingliness. The clingy man is not in control of his life. He lacks direction and resolve. He comes off weak and impotent. He is dependent and unstable. He is like a little puppy following a woman around. The typical woman doesn’t want a “puppy” she has to take care of, she wants a manly man to take care of her. If someone tries to mug her, she wants to be walking with a Rottweiler, not a Chihuahua. If someone breaks in the house, she wants a Doberman ripping the burglar to pieces, not a Shih Tzu licking his shoe. A real man makes her feel protected at all times. His masculinity always allows the woman to blossom in her femininity.

Mr. Wimpy comes across as desperate, and this desperation manifests itself in many different ways. He makes himself available all the time. Just call, or text, and he is on the way…regardless of how trivial a thing the matter is. He has to agree with everything you say. He doesn’t want to say, or do, anything that might offend you, and turn you off to him. Mr. Wimpy is overly eager to please, which adds to his “nice guy” persona. But his motivation is rooted in desperation. He wants you to like him and respect him so much he will devote all his needs and desires, his very being, to you.  Mr. Wimpy wants sympathy too, so he does a lot of whining and complaining about work, or life in general. It becomes easy to see he is not in control of his life, and will be high maintenance. In short, he is a spineless jellyfish…a wuss!

I am reminded of the Will Smith character, “Hitch,” in the movie of the same name. Hitch grew up as an obvious Mr. Needy. There was a scene portraying his clingliness and desperation. Immediately following, his women is shown with another man as Hitch stands outside the car yelling “I love you.” He is pleading with the woman, and in a pathetic last ditch effort asks “What did I do wrong?” The other man said, “Dude, you’re doing it right now!” Amen brother!

The Village People wannabe Macho Men?

Macho Man“Macho, Macho Man. I want to be a Macho Man.” Yeah, right! As the pendulum swings the opposite way to the arrogant side, you have Mr. Macho. He wears the veneer of a real man, but it is a thin disguise. His false confidence becomes evident as he seeks to be the center of attention. He comes off cocky and belittles others. He may even appear outwardly tough, but it is usually all show. His speech is full of bravado as he wants everyone to believe he is the most bad ass, and most important dude around. He has to constantly work to keep up appearances because it is all based on falsehoods. His feigned confidence is actually nothing more than arrogance.

Though Mr. Macho tries to get away with the Alpha Man facade, discerning eyes can quickly spot the differences. Mr. Macho seeks to be the center of attention. He tries to call attention to himself while Alpha Man is the center of attention. The cockiness of Mr. Macho is not the funny, sporting variety, but rather the rude sort. He will talk down others and belittle their accomplishments. The opposite is true of Alpha Man. He feels threatened by no one, and seeks to lift up rather than tear down.

When it comes to toughness, shouldn’t Mr. Macho have an edge? I said earlier that women desire a powerful man. By powerful, I am not saying they favor bulging muscles from men that spend most of their spare time in the gym, adoring their bods in the mirrors. While I don’t want to discount the importance exercise plays in optimum health, I do want to point out that “muscles=powerful” is not the average woman’s equation. It’s all a matter of motivation, and it will be obvious. Real men take care of their health and their bodies. If they work out, it is for these reasons. Macho men work out to show off their bodies. Further, real men are powerful, not power hungry. They do not have a lust for power. Power comes to them naturally, they do not have to plow after it. Mr. Macho’s apparent “toughness” is that of the school yard bully. He acts tough and picks fights on those he believes “lower” than him. But when someone stands up and calls his bluff…he backs down, and leaves trying vainly to still save face.

Most Dudes Just Don’t Get It

John Cripps on Real MenThanks to the Internet, non-alpha men flock to “dating coaches” seeking advice on “how to pick up women,” “how to get laid on the first date,” and other such nonsense. These coaches all claim to have the “secret formula.” They have reduced the complex subject of connection, romance and intimacy down to techniques and gimmickry. They want you to know how to “play the game.” They teach that any man can become an alpha male in just a few short steps. They have studied alpha traits and believe even the most pathetic Mr. Wimpy can be an Alpha Master Jedi…if they just purchase their course material. They are told they can get the women they desire no matter how ugly, stupid or shy they are. So poor wimpy males fork out the cash, and pull up to the computer, to begin “their education.” Surely, many will give up before going to live testing. The ones that make it through alpha wannabe boot camp, hit the bars and dating sites. They have been taught to act tough, be cocky, show disinterest and all of things things that real men are not. It’s all a big joke, but does it work? Does this fool women? If you believe the numerous testimonials, you will find that it often does. But it doesn’t fool the type of woman a real man wants anyway. You see, desperate women exist in the world too. There are plenty of Ms. Wimpys out there.

Gender Bender – It Has Not Always Been This Way

Where have all the real men gone? The world is rapidly changing. I believe there are many reason for the decline in manly men. Historically, men and women had distinct roles in society. To a great extent the lines between the roles have been blurred, or even reversed. Things are not as clear cut as they once were. Confidence, strength and resolve were once necessary for basic survival. The chronicles of mankind are full of fighting and waging war. Men had to kill or be killed. They had to work hard to discipline and train their bodies to fight. Women depended on the men to protect them, and keep them safe. Where are the warriors today? Hand to hand combat is virtually a thing of the past, we just push buttons now. The necessity of this “manhood” training is losing relevancy.

Before the days of welfare, food stamps, unemployment compensation and other so-called entitlements…people were on their own. It was sink or swim. The women looked to the men to provide for them and, take care of them. Men looked hard to find a good job, and worked hard to kept it. Today he can depend on the woman, or government assistance to bail him out.

Also, in America, the odds are all too favorable for a boy to grow up a with a single mom. No disrespect to the women, mom can try to do the best she can, but the boy needs the influence of a real man in his upbringing. He needs the example engrained into him during his youth, so he can grow and mature into a real man himself. The modern “connected culture” creates problems as well. It takes confidence to approach a woman in public. Now we have social media and online dating to hide behind. It is not necessary to man up and cold-call approach a woman, look her in the eye, and start a conversation.John Cripps on Real Men

And it will get worse. As we move closer to androgyny, traditional roles will become even more blurred. Significantly fewer men are enrolling in college than women, and even a smaller percentage graduate. I recently read a rather unbelievable statistic. For the first time in the history of the world, women in their 20s are scoring better pay than men. And get this, twice as many men, than women, live with their parents. Even when there are two parents, the boys are left to themselves. The parents neglect to help make the manly transition from teen to manhood.The proverbial young man today sits around with his buddies playing video games or watching movies. For many, porn has replaced the real thing. Before long, the women will rule the world and rightly so! Vive la révolution! The men have let the world down.

What about Mojo?

When you move to the subject of sex, the women are very vocal. Contrary to what we have taught, studies show that women want sex. Historically, men have been stereotyped as horndawgs and women to be unwilling, or passive participants. But women are speaking up and saying they have strong sexual desires too! The problem, they say, is the inability to find men who satisfy them sexually. They say they favor Alpha Man because his confidence carries over into the bedroom. I was a bit shocked to see a major news story about a video by a feminist that went viral. The woman in the video was a successful business woman. She had polled many of her female peers and determined that all of them wanted an alpha male for a partner. I didn’t see that coming. The woman said feminists still want to be feminine, and they desire the strong, confident, leadership qualities of the alpha male.

It’s not difficult to see why women are not being satisfied sexually. Many refer to their partners as “minutemen.” They view sex with these men as “wham bam thank-you ma’am.” Then you have an entire Viagra generation of men having to take pills because they’ve lost their mojo. At present, there is a huge growth industry of Testosterone therapy. Pills and shots may give you an erection, but it won’t make you a man.

What’s a Woman To Do?

Don’t ask me, I’m a dude. Woman in the aforementioned surveys say that manly man is dying out. Apparently even Mr. Macho is on the decline. In place of these, the world is being populated with wimpy, caponized, defeated men. Some women will never accept being in a relationship with such pathetic men. Others will reluctantly acquiesce in order to have a relationship. The remainder will willingly embrace it, and probably move from one loser to another. I hope my daughter makes the right choice…even if it means patiently waiting for the real deal!

To be continued…

p.s. I would like to add that I don’t really like the phrase “alpha male.” I believe it has been wrongly applied and abused in most Internet articles. I am currently working on a couple of more articles that continue the train of thought begun here…stay tuned! UPDATE 2015: I have written a new article titled Warrior Poet that expands on the Alpha Male personality trait…enjoy!